A love story, among others...

Cinderella: [singing] A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep. In dreams you will lose your heartaches. Whatever you wish for, you keep. Have faith in your dreams, and someday, your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true.

As the words of my life come to an end upon the pages bound together I have looked at my life from its start and to its official end. It seems so often that in life just as we go to close the door the Lord places his foot in the doorway and says, not yet. Just as our minds and hearts come to terms with letting go of the things we have not and feel we will not ever see God places his hand upon your heart and says, its coming. Just as ourselves develop a plan and a path for our lives to play out God places his grace across our lips and says, not by this way.

Proverbs 3:5, 6 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

In the past month God has been very clear with me. I have not always listened. Times I have tried and failed, some I simply ignored hearing and other times I listened and followed through. I am far from perfect. Many nights I ask myself why God chooses to reveal himself to me so clearly and when this thought comes to mind God whispers “why not you?” I never have an answer. He has found me and you as deserving, loved, children. If He can believe in me time after time of failures and endless setbacks than why cant I? I can. I have. I will.

Nothing shall separate us from the love of GodRomans 8:35

I have wrestled demons of others and of myself, upon my body and in my mind. I have seen the wing span of heavenly angels across my darkened bedroom but none of these alluring, complex, and intriguing visions come close to what I experienced today. I have looked the enemy in the eye, felt their breath upon my neck, my hand held been held by the angels both unseen and visual. While all these moments were ones that a person is made impressionable by, what happened today did not leave a mark, rather it formed a mold. I prayed for God to show me the way, His way. Send me something undeniable Lord. Send an angel. Send an answer. Send joy. He sent a man instead. He sent him some time ago but it wasn’t until today that I realized, he would become my saving grace.

Jer 33:3 Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.

Angels. While beauty is often a word used in reference to these “beings”, “creatures” the one I have seen for quite some time now is not like the “others”. A human man. I close my eyes and I see his smile. It is an amazing smile. When his lips part and a grin drapes across his smooth complexion, a smile doesn’t just form, joy pours itself outward and illuminates me as if I were its only guest. This smile has had my attention since the first moment I saw it. I did not see a face, or a body, or a voice, just this smile. I barely know him. You could say I met him by chance a long long time ago like most fairy takes begin. But the truth is, this angel is a stranger to me yet it doesn’t matter. I feel like I have known him for years.

Princess Aurora: Well, I'm really not supposed to speak to strangers, but we've met before.
Sleeping Beauty

I am drawn to him. Like a magnet that has an opposite force. A plus and a negative. In this world that should equal a wrong. Things that look alike, act alike, think alike, surely should be what forms a positive but this, that thought, could not be more negative.

The force between two magnetic poles is given by:
[1] insert math quotation here

The weeks passed have been odd. I have shut out a handful of people. I have welcomed a few. Several, I have tried to forget, some I hold on to remember and others I wish to learn of. In my mind there is a list of all these but there is one that shines brighter than them all. He does not shine because I have painted him in silver or gold. He does not shine because he stands in a spotlight. I thought that if I wore my sunglasses the glow would fade. I thought if I hid the words that his appeal would diminish. Instead, his glow remained steady. He does not shine because his laughter illuminates him. He shines and I do not know why.

Alice: If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?
Alice in Wonderland

I had a long talk with God about men, life, health, my wants, His will, just about everything a hormonal woman could think of. He said nothing. Just listened. I lied down Saturday night in a recliner, in my mothers spare room. I tossed and turned just like all the other nights. I reflected on my book and fumbled with vicitous names. Than I thought of my own name which means “loveable”. I began to cry. I got angry at life, circumstances, situations, emotions, people…and I laughed with the tears falling to my pillow I muttered “loveable…how ridiculous”.

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
Psalm 30:5

I watched the sun come up and dozed off somewhere are 6 am. Usually I awake to a cell screen filled with texts that have come in the quiet of morning just after I have fallen asleep. Messages of all types of others plans for the day, needs for the day, requests for the day but this day God said, today is your day. I awoke to single text message that saved me and in this message was the word “loveable”. It came from a number that was not saved into my phone. One I had never seen. Yet when I read it, I could feel the joy, the same joy I had seen in this smile.

Matthew 15:28 Then Jesus answered, "Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted." And her daughter was healed from that very hour.

Than today life as I knew it changed forever. I spoke to a man today. This is not odd, I assure you. I speak to many people. He said “Hello Mandee” and at that exact moment it was as if God pulled the clouds apart, opened the heavens, and handed me a gift. At that exact moment, the sound and vibration in his voice triggered an “ON” switch. I could feel that something had changed. That the energy flowing through my veins had surged and I was functioning with a newness. I have no idea what button was pushed. I have no idea what the button is for. No idea what it controls or what it releases. But this voice was made for this button.

1 Peter 1:8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy.

I have been walking around today feeling “different”. I feel like life is flooding through my sludged veins. I feel like lightening is beneath my feet tingling in every step. I feel like my heart is no longer heavy, its floats instead of sinks. I feel like my words make sense and that my questions no longer weigh me down. I feel like my eyes are brighter not because they reflect the sun but because they reflect him. I feel like my smile is an emotion and not a trait. I feel like my faith is everything and my worries are none. I feel like my hands are ready to do the works of the Lord and my fingers were meant to interlock with his while I do so. I feel like a dream just occurred but I have never been more awake. I feel that everything this world says I cannot do is a lie and I feel that it is time.

Seth: You're an excellent doctor. Maggie: How do you know? Seth: I have a feeling. Maggie: That's pretty flimsy evidence. Seth: Close your eyes. It's just for a moment. [touches her hand] Seth: What am I doing? Maggie: You're... touching me. Seth: Touch. How do you know? Maggie: Because, I feel it. Seth: You should trust that. You don't trust it enough.
City of Angels

Therefore my heart is glad and my glory [my inner self] rejoices; my body too shall rest and confidently dwell in safety. Psalm 16: 9

Something happened today. Something bigger than myself. My favorite movie says that “some things are true whether we believe them or not…” No questions were asked yet I already believe. He is a walking yes to a question that I do not know. He is a feeling that I have never felt. He is a voice that I have never heard with such clarity, even in his silence. He is a smile that I feel and not only see. He is a soul that I look at in awe at its beauty and complexity. He is a mere man that I see as an angel walking among us and standing so near to me in heart, thought and respect. In the middle of this I come to an 80’s song, “How do you talk to an angel…?” I guess just like I did today.

(Heb 13:2 NRSV) Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it.

Jamie: You know what I figured out today? Landon: What? Jamie: Maybe God has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself. Like this journey never ends. Like you were sent to me because I'm sick. To help me through all this. You're my angel.
A Walk to Remember

What switched was turned to “ON”. What does it do? Why did I never know I had this switch? I hope this switch never sees “OFF” again. I do not believe it will. Something unseen was started by unseen hands and of unknown cause. While everything seems so vague and leary, all I feel is clarity and certainty. It is as if my eyes are seeing through his smile. Everything just looks so full of joy. Today my life changed. I wish I could tell you exactly how but no one has yet told me. I wont stop and question it, instead I will give thanks for it. Only God could create someone, something this beautiful, so I can only welcome it, accept it and cherish it as the precious gift it is.

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. - John 15:12-13

A creation of God filled with strings of compassion, notes of love, sharps of faith and chords of grace, all strung together by the greatest composer of this unknown symphony. I see the music, I see the intstruments and while none of it appears possible to be poured into harmony, I remember “Contrapuntal” meaning that the melody is shared between DIFFERENT instruments playing INORDER to produce and overall melody when ALL instruments are playing.

Steve Lopez: I've never loved anything the way he loves music.
The Soloist

So, tonight I cannot play “name that tune”, I cannot hum this song in my heart and I cannot write the music in my mind, all I can do is pray that is all falls into perfect harmony.

Psalm 150:1-6
1 Praise the LORD. Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens. 2 Praise him for his acts of power; praise him for his surpassing greatness. 3 Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet, praise him with the harp and lyre, 4 praise him with tambourine and dancing, praise him with the strings and flute, 5 praise him with the clash of cymbals, praise him with resounding cymbals.
6 Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD.

I am going to end this with Ferris Bueller, how profound I know…but…”Life moves pretty fast sometimes, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you may just miss it.” I believe that God blesses us as He promised. I believe too often we overlook these blessings because our eyes are focused on what we want to achieve and are looking at where we want to go. We are so busy looking at ourselves that we don’t see God and His relfection in others. Yesterday the words I read were a blessing, his voice was a reflection and his smile…oh boy, that smile!

John 1:16 (NIV)From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another.

Sometimes life doesn’t happen like it does in the greatest of books or the most entertaining of movies and much too often the heartfelt emotion and drama is found in truth rather than in fiction. In this world and in this life we all seem to be searching for love. We want someone to love, someone to love us, perhaps even to love ourselves. Some days I feel like Alice in wonderland, occasionally like Sleeping Beauty, hoping to one day become Cinderella but really I think it was dear Dorothy who said it best.

The Tin Man: What have you learned, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Well, I - I think thats it - if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with!


What does your heart desire? What do you want and need to ask God for? Do you believe you will receive it? Are you ready to receive it? Do you believe in angels? Love, what do you think about love? Do others see God in you? Do you know God when you see him? Are you looking? Life is filled with endless questions and multiple answers but the only one that matters is the one that is true. Be honest with yourself, always follow your heart, make your dreams come true, and most of all, let God in. The world builds enough walls to keep Him out YOU must build your own to keep Him in. Today we stand among our loved one and strangers by Gods shear grace. Cherish the ones you hold, pray for the ones you cannot and dream of the ones you wish too.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,That saved a wretch like me.I once was lost but now am found,Was blind, but now I see.
T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.And Grace, my fears relieved.How precious did that Grace appearThe hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snaresI have already come;'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus farand Grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me.His word my hope secures.He will my shield and portion be,As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,And mortal life shall cease,I shall possess within the veil,A life of joy and peace.
When we've been here ten thousand yearsBright shining as the sun.We've no less days to sing God's praiseThan when we've first begun.