My flesh had been bound together with sutures and skin but my spirit had been bound to Gods joy with faith. My flawed flesh tells not a story of defeat but a story of triumph. I am not great war hero decorated with purple hearts or gold medals to display nor do I show great battle wounds, rather I carry a heart of gold, demonstrate the gift of compassion and that I am proudly covered in my scars of faith." ~Angel Alyson
"The past year of my life I have faced judgement from every angle, in every way. I have heard words spoken to my face and to others that would make just about anyone sick. I have seen that ignorance is still very much alive and that others invision themselves on a throne of judgement that was made only for God and more dangerously they speak as if they sit there rightfully.
A song once said that "If loving you is wrong, than baby, I don't want to be right..." I know how that person felt. Sometimes in life, our wires and desires get lost in the overall vision of Gods perfect will. We set our own time line, move to the own beat of our drum and ignore the sympony. Rarely we meet someone that challenges all of our beliefs and casues us to question all of our motives. They cause us to examine ourselves in a way no one ever has.
Our world gets turned upside down and somehow, in finding them, we begin to find ourself and even in the middle of our mess and our mistakes, God still peaks through. How can going so off track bring you to the right destination? I know the path I am on in not visible on any map, it was never seen, never planned, never imagined yet I know without a doubt that this path, this horribly rocky, sometimes backwards, no sense road will bring me to where I need to be, where I desire to be. How can this be? Grace.
For so long my heart has always desired to help others reach a safe desitination. I have packed endless bags for homeless, fed the hungry, endangered myself visiting the encarcirated, endless speaking words of faith and encouragement even in my own times of despair. Rarely, very rarely did I cry out in solitude, asking God, "why me?". I do not feel that we are given a get out of jail free card for our mistakes compared to our good deeds, but I do believe that the Lord searches our hearts thorougly before blessing us and before judging us.
*I picture a young woman with letters in her hands. One not written to her. They were "found" and she took the liberaty the share them with others. To discuss the contents, encode, decrypt, is plain terms, gossip. They took someones wrong and turned it into a wrong for themself. Yet they look at me and ask, how could she, how dare she. Here is a mirror, ask yourself those questions as you ask me.*
"I do not stand pretending to be right. I stand real. Firm in my convictions, accepting of my wrongs and pleading often for Gods forgiveness and grace. i do not stand "holier than though" I do not play a part, act or conform to what others feel I should be. I am a woman of integrity and honesty, even if it doesnt make me look good.
Some people cannot handle the truth, so they themselves would rather roll in lies. They create, they elaborate and they speak and discuss others as if there opinion matters. It does not. Not to me. At the end of a long day when it feels the world if against me, I answer only to myself and to God.
I have times where I am hurt by others opinions of me, especially when they are based of others words and not mine. I cry in anger that others still thrive off others mistakes and shortcomings. I get bitter and must work hard to pray it away "No one makes you feel inferior without your consent" and the truth is, this world and the enemy work hard to keep us burried in our failures so that we cannot rise up and continue seeking the Lord. This is where angel meets warrior.
I do not care that the world sees my mistakes, if I let there opinions keep me in my wrongs, I will never do any right. The decisions I have made up until now and surely will do again, may not always be pleasing to the Lord, but in no way will I let that keep me from trying to make all future decisions pleasing to the Lord. It saddens me greatly when within the family and within the church, our "own kind" remind us relentlessly of the bad choices we have made. Last time I checked God told us to love one another, unconditonally.
I believe in love and letting the Lord convict. I believe in encouraging others to rise above, instead of being the dead weight holding them in there dirt. Not everyone is like me.
If you are always looking at others you will never look at yourself and I am a firm believer in self evaluation and striving daily to grow into the person the Lord gave us unlimited potential to be. We only limit ourself. So, today I am going to walk as I would before the Lord and not before those that speak ill of me. I am a child of God. Right or wrong, I am loved and as a woman held dear to my heart has reminded me often, nothing can seperate us from the love of God, nothing.
But friends, make sure the company you keep reminds you of that and never makes you question Gods love for you. No matter how wrong you have been, how often you have been, the Lord loves you and will forgive you, forgiving yourself is the hard part and feeling worthy of accepting Gods forgiveness can seem impossible, but hold to heart, that you, you, are worth it...."
"The lines drawn hold no boundaries, they can be washed with a tide. instead burry your feet into the sand and stand firm in your decisions, let no one ever draw a line limitng what has been made to be limitless. just as God..." Angel Alyson
