Here I am. Angel Alyson. It is not my real name, however, it is my real photo. These are my real thoughts, ideas, dreams, desires and failures. My photo is black and white, but all words that flow are merely, gray. Always room for interpertation. It has been a while since I have written to you. If anyone even reads this, that is. In the past few months that my keys have sat un-tapped, life has moved in ways that I could never inagine. Perhaps you thought my life had slowed down, maybe I ran out of things to talk about, but in reality, I have been too busy living life and simply have not had time to "talk" about it. You see, I am a woman that believes in God. A woman that believes in life, love and other mysteries. the calender has been flipping through, quickly approaching the holidays and I am once again overwhelmed with the past, the present and most of all, my future. I was not raised in Hollywood yet the Marilyn look seems to stand with me through the years. I have now found myself as a 30 year old woman who will always be forever 29. Why 29? It was in this year that I found myself. I found myself in the silence of self pitty, in the depths of my despair, in the sadness of an unborn child lost, in the acceptance of love, in the growing of my spirit, in the outreaching of my hands, in the grace of God, in the laughter of my son, in a collection of emotions, tragedies, and joys, I put myself together. After every event I small piece of me remained, more polished than before. As I collected those bits n pieces, a beautiful mosaic formed. It was not uniformed, even, consistent nor rare. It was a little messy, discolored, displaced and all too common. I then realized my beauty was not in my flaws and my wrongs, rather what rose from my ashes. Not in the moments that occured, but in the moments that occured after. Now what I was handed, but what I choose to do with them. Most of all, this year, on this beautiful 30th year evening that I have been alive, I have made peace with myself and learned to forgive. Myself and my darkest enemies. It was only after forgiveness, that I have truly been able to do the greatest of all things. Love. So, with that, on this new year and new season of my life, I will tell you that my name means, "loveable" and I am finally ready to accept that. "Are you ready for marriage all over again?" he asked. I may not deserve someone as amazing as him, but I do deserve to be loved and with that thought, I say, yes. Here is to God, life, love and other mysteries and most of all, to being a strong 30.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
The Girl In The Photo
Here I am. Angel Alyson. It is not my real name, however, it is my real photo. These are my real thoughts, ideas, dreams, desires and failures. My photo is black and white, but all words that flow are merely, gray. Always room for interpertation. It has been a while since I have written to you. If anyone even reads this, that is. In the past few months that my keys have sat un-tapped, life has moved in ways that I could never inagine. Perhaps you thought my life had slowed down, maybe I ran out of things to talk about, but in reality, I have been too busy living life and simply have not had time to "talk" about it. You see, I am a woman that believes in God. A woman that believes in life, love and other mysteries. the calender has been flipping through, quickly approaching the holidays and I am once again overwhelmed with the past, the present and most of all, my future. I was not raised in Hollywood yet the Marilyn look seems to stand with me through the years. I have now found myself as a 30 year old woman who will always be forever 29. Why 29? It was in this year that I found myself. I found myself in the silence of self pitty, in the depths of my despair, in the sadness of an unborn child lost, in the acceptance of love, in the growing of my spirit, in the outreaching of my hands, in the grace of God, in the laughter of my son, in a collection of emotions, tragedies, and joys, I put myself together. After every event I small piece of me remained, more polished than before. As I collected those bits n pieces, a beautiful mosaic formed. It was not uniformed, even, consistent nor rare. It was a little messy, discolored, displaced and all too common. I then realized my beauty was not in my flaws and my wrongs, rather what rose from my ashes. Not in the moments that occured, but in the moments that occured after. Now what I was handed, but what I choose to do with them. Most of all, this year, on this beautiful 30th year evening that I have been alive, I have made peace with myself and learned to forgive. Myself and my darkest enemies. It was only after forgiveness, that I have truly been able to do the greatest of all things. Love. So, with that, on this new year and new season of my life, I will tell you that my name means, "loveable" and I am finally ready to accept that. "Are you ready for marriage all over again?" he asked. I may not deserve someone as amazing as him, but I do deserve to be loved and with that thought, I say, yes. Here is to God, life, love and other mysteries and most of all, to being a strong 30.
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