Dear Sara

How many times will I write you Dear Sara? I just sent you a sister... Please be waiting to hold her hand. She was so tiny and so small. I never felt her move. I never saw her smile. I never held her hand. Her hands will be much smaller than yours, so you will be her big sister. I have named her Patience. She fought the hardest to grow but mommys belly couldn't take it. Pain flooded my womb day and night. She was beautiful just like you. I prayed over you and for you as much as I could, but baby you and her could not be mine, you belonged to God. I spoke often to you often. Sara, Eden lasted as long as you. I saw her heart beating, her chin and arms and legs, she graced the screen like a dream come true. My belly bumped and round. I prepared a room for her that now sits empty. Oh Sara, why did God take her home? Forgive me Sara, I spoke to Eden often. You see, I knew she was growing in me long before I lost her. Sara sweetie, I didnt love you any less. You housed inside my body the longest but I didnt know you were there. Please forgive me my dearest Sara. You both will forever be inside my heart. Sisters. Dear Sara, you have seen your brother over the years holding my hand beside me here on earth. Show them who is he is so they can watch us too. Make sure they know to watch there earthly sister grow. She is so joyful, tell them all dear Sarah how much she will love to one day give them hugs and kisses. I know neither of you have wings as mothers hope you do but child, dear Sara, we all know that you don't need wings to fly. Soar within your heart. Live within your desires. It is almost Valentines Day. I lost you and sent you Grace the same month but in different years. A month that celebrates love. I guess this was a fitting month, even if it was for loss. Patience, Eden and Grace will all be painted differently than you dear Sara, but they will have your mommys eyes. Dear Sara, look for your mothers eyes in them. You see dear Sara, I saw you older, I have looked into your eyes, I know when mommy gets to heaven I will be able to hold my little girls. I know that day will come. Sara, you are the oldest, please tell them they are sisters. Please make sure that Grace, Eden, and Patience stay together, they were so close in time here, I would like them to remain. Last but not least dear Sara, there is one more. God never told me his name. His time with mommy was the shortest of you all. I said goodbye the same day I said hello. I never got his name.I call him Gabriel because it means "God is might" I close my eyes and see baby blue foot prints. I lost him right after I lost you. Please dear Sara, look for mommys eyes in him. He left mommy just months after you. He fought for the shortest time, I was heartbroken Sara loosing you, then he broke my heart, but then came my precious son. Dear Sara, I have given you 4 hands to hold and only two hands yourself, so instead just hold them in your heart. I will close my eyes tonight and see 5 little hearts. Four pink and one blue and tonight dear sara, please know how much your mommy loves you. Look into the heavens beyond the glorious angels. You will see a heart of gold in holding. That is your mother. Wait for me, do not travel far, hold onto your sisters and your brother. Do not cry because I am not there to craddle you, rather sing so mommy can feel you from heaven. I love you my dearest Sara. 12 years ago you left this earth but baby, you will never leave my heart. I know that I have sent you a handful dear baby, but you and Eden were mommys strongest, please take care of the little ones... Patience, Eden, Grace, Gabriel, Sara.... I love you, always, Mommy.